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LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS

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We long to be truly met, and to merge with the other. We long to be seen as the Love that we really are, and to lose ourselves completely in that, all the while knowing that it is safe, and that the other will love us unconditionally no matter what we do, say or feel. However, in most human relationships, we live in fear more than the Love we really are. We have been hurt before, so we protect ourselves. We hold back and do not give everything that we would so love to receive. We assume that it is not safe to let down our boundaries, so we play power games where winning provides an illusion of safety. We wait for the other to provide safety (and blame them if they don’t), before we risk opening up. It is a painful roller-coaster of highs and lows, of getting temporary experiences of love, and then losing them…
What you really long for, has to start with yourself. You can not wait for the other to open up. You can not forever point the finger at the other, and avoid looking at yourself. You have to courageously take the first step to let down the walls of protection. You have to risk losing the power games, and even risk losing the relationship. It is the only way to meet, and be met, in the Love that you truly are.
~ Unmani

The Attachment Paradox

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Sometimes people talk about how we should not be attached to possessions, experiences, the body, places, people… But there is a natural attachment, or a being touched, by these things. It is natural to feel touched being with someone you love, or enjoying a new outfit, or new house. It is natural to feel hurt when someone leaves you, or annoyed when your favourite object breaks. It is not this natural ‘being touched’ that is the problem, it is the layer of drama around it. It is the story of ‘me’ around it that builds up this drama and makes it all seem, and feel, very serious and meaningful to ‘me’. When the thinking turns an experience or feeling into a ‘story of me’, or identity, it starts to feel dramatic and exciting. It starts to feel all about ‘me’ and how special I am. Then the natural ‘being touched’ is so overlaid by the story that the original feeling is no longer really felt.
Being without attachment, means being totally utterly touched by life again and again to the point that it cracks your heart open, and at the same time knowing that it is all totally and utterly meaningless.
The thinking can not do this. You can not try to make this happen. It is simply in acknowledging the awful truth of this paradox that you see that this is how life is already, whether you like it or not.