‘Being Triggered’

Sometimes things get triggered or touched, and then it all feels so overwhelmingly important. You notice that you are being drawn into a certain familiar energetic dance that feels tense or painful, and yet has a certain exciting flavour to it. It is all so mesmerising and trance-like…
You watch yourself play out the childish games to try to get what you think you want, or need. The need to be right, or to maintain a certain position becomes more important than what is real. You watch yourself react from pain or fear, but the cover-up-games mask the desperate longing for a resolution to that pain or fear.

And at some point there is a break in the clouds. A moment when you realise that there will never be a satisfactory resolution to the story being told. A moment when it is suddenly possible to risk being honest about what is really felt or longed for. The pain is acknowledged. The embarrassment or humiliation is felt. The body shakes, cries or laughs. There is a seeing of the whole dance.

Nothing wrong has happened. None of it meant anything about you. It was simply an old friend that came to visit for a while, and then left. Don’t worry, they will be back again some day. There is no need to, or no point in punishing yourself for being entranced or reacting like that. In that moment you couldn’t do anything else. The possibility for honesty was simply not there at that moment. When it was, it was.

As you see in more and more situations that it is hopeless to try to find a resolution in a thought-story or belief, the more there is possibility for honesty with what is actually being touched. There is the endless discovery that there is never any real satisfying nourishment from being ‘right’ or from proving a point. Although it can be uncomfortable, the only real nourishment is in acknowledging what is really here.

Unmani, 13th April, 2014
www.die-to-love.com