Although the title of this article may sound like I am about to recommend a New Age self-affirming practice, it is anything but that. Those practices, although they may be helpful to a point, are based in the idea that you are not already absolutely whole, free and absolute power itself, and therefore need to practice remembering or trying to be more powerful. In fact when we are searching, we are assuming that there is something wrong or missing in myself, or my life experience. We start from this assumption and every practice or tradition confirms this by recommending ways of healing or improving ‘myself’ or my experience. Each time this reinforces the belief that I am not enough as I am already.
Usually everyone around us is assuming that there is something about themselves that needs healing or improving, so really seeing that there is nothing wrong or missing, can seem a little strange or even arrogant in comparison. It is, of course, arrogant if it just taken as an attitude or belief about myself, but if it really seen that this moment could never possibly be more than what it is right now, and to doubt that is simply ridiculous, then this is simply reality and not a belief or attitude. The belief that I am not enough, or the attitude or pretence of being invincible or tough, are both just cover-up games to cover the real vulnerability that we all feel and are. What we often don’t realize is that the real power is in feeling the vulnerability. The real power is already here and doesn’t need any trying or forcing or pretending. It is the nature of Life itself as it is already. It is in the vulnerability of feeling whatever is here. It is in the already present energy felt physically. It has nothing to do with the thought interpretations around it and about it (although that too is the Life energy expressing in that way too). Without the labels, this energy is every sensation felt.
By questioning the assumption that there is something that needs to be added or improved, we can see that without just blindly believing it, we don’t know that there is anything really missing or wrong with the way things are. We start to see and feel that life is, of course, enough as it is. I am already whole and complete, and don’t need to add anything. We start to see that there is nothing that we could possibly do to make myself more perfect, more worthy of love, or more enlightened.
As this starts to be a lived reality of knowing that any thought that says there is a problem or something lacking, is simply a joke, then more energy is freed up to just be as it feels to be. Thought is no longer taken as seriously and no longer given that much attention. Thought is only pretending to be a restriction or limitation, but is never really that. With less energy on thought, there seems to be more availability to feel what is felt physically. As the limitation and boxes of thought are seen for the farce that they really are, the Life energy is free to move again. Perhaps there is a felt sensation or an expression that thought would normally assume means something frightening, but in not believing in thought then the energy can just be felt without any suppression. Even though there may be more uncomfortable physical sensations felt, paradoxically more freedom is experienced with it. Life is lived with less and less limits. This is the freedom to feel the discomfort or the joy.
In this living with less believed-in limits, the real power that you are, can start to be felt and appreciated. Thought is seen to have never really limited anything. The walls are seen to be only pretend walls and the prisoners are set free, and even seen that they were always free. In fact there is so much freedom that thought doesn’t know what to do with it. Thought can not direct it or restrict it any more. It has no control any more. Life can be chaotic, and perhaps even crazy. It doesn’t fit into the thought boxes of how things should look or feel. Perhaps it is not socially acceptable. Perhaps it is even illegal. Perhaps the fear is that it will be so strong that it will shock or hurt others. Perhaps you risk losing people who you love, or losing your position at work, or in society. Perhaps its been suppressed for so long that you fear that it will just burst out in a way that might be unbearable. Perhaps it will be nothing like what you fear…
If you really step of the way and stop assuming you can control it all, you will see what this Life energy does on its own. Risk living in wonder and surprise.
This Life energy is here all the time. It is every sensation felt, every sound, every thought or image. It actually can not ever be contained by thought or by anything else. There is no actual way to do that. However, if you believe that you can suppress this energy (whether it is anger, sexuality, passion, violence, ecstasy, love or anything else), then it will seem to play out that way. The experience will be of the energy being squashed into certain rigid ways of being. Slowly but surely it starts to burst out in small ways, and eventually it breaks all the gates and bursts out completely.
However, if there is no need to suppress the energy then it doesn’t need to burst out. If it is all okay to be here as it is, then it doesn’t have to rebel against the restrictions and barriers put around it. It can just come and go and be felt or expressed as it does.
The problem usually is that we are so afraid of this Life energy. We are afraid that it is so alive, that it might even kill us. In the expression of overwhelming joy, I might lose myself. In really feeling the violence and hatred, it might be so destructive that I might never return to normality. In completely falling in love, I might be utterly consumed in its fire. In really feeling the sadness that I try to avoid, I may end up killing myself. In losing myself to this aliveness I might not ever be able to piece myself together again. Everything will be lost. There will be nothing left to hold on to. Fear comes up. ‘How will I function?’ ‘How will I relate to others?’ ‘Will people accept me?’ There are no answers to these questions coming from fear. But fear is included in this aliveness. Fear is this Life energy felt physically. There is no escape from it. It is felt.
We all know this power of Life that we really are. We long to feel and express it more and more. But at the same time we are so terrified of it because it is the death of who we think we are. It is the loss of all boundaries and all limited identities. Just Life feeling or expressing itself, however that happens. Out of control. Out of bounds. So free that nothing can ever contain or hold it. So, it is a ridiculous joke to either pretend that you are not enough, or that you are so tough, and can control or handle it all. Have the courage to keep seeing through belief and assumptions of thought. The courage to feel what is really here. The courage to feel the fear, pain, shame and whatever other sensations are here. The courage to feel the joy, love and freedom that is here, and know that it is all the uncontained, uncontrollable, wild power of Life that you are.
Unmani, April 2012
